Joanne Hong
Why do we make art? There’s a million answers, but a big reason is to understand. To understand ourselves, others, and the world around us. I have a lot of experience using art this way, as it’s something I really needed in the depths of my loneliness.
High school’s a really tough time, but it couldn’t have been so bad with a friend or two. I didn’t have that. It was something I felt everyday. Every lunch period, every class, the same thing would happen over and over again. I saw the vision of friendship in my peers. They walked into school knowing full well who they would be talking to, who they would do group projects with, who they would sit with at lunch. Friendship was everywhere, except for where I was. The school was notoriously overpopulated, so I couldn’t really sit by myself during lunch. There was always people sitting with each other, and talking. They talked so much, all about things I couldn’t understand. Inside jokes, shared interests, and I bear witness to all of it. I tried ignoring it most days, but sometimes it would boil over into a full-on meltdown. So many times I cried, melted into a puddle of tears as I would spiral. “Why can’t I do this? Why does everyone else have it so easy? Why am I stuck here?” These were questions that echoed in my head over and over again. So what could I do about it?
For a while, it felt like I was the only one. Why couldn’t anyone understand? What could I do? I went to the place where I was heard, free of judgement. That was my art. All my hopes and fears went there. I spent hours writing and drawing about anything I felt, and no one could say I was crazy. I didn’t feel lonely was when I was all alone in my bubble.
Writing didn’t fix everything. Every day I had to wake up and face the world, and my fears kept haunting me. I couldn’t keep living this way, and expressing your frustration becomes hard when you can’t blame anyone. But how could I find a friend? I tried to answer as best I could.
My comic is the story of an autistic person struggling to make friends. It’s about loneliness and friendship. I’m going through this alone now, but others don’t have to be. Art has a special place in this world, because it’s where you don’t need permission to be vulnerable. Writer James Baldwin said, “The precise role of the artist, then, is to illuminate that darkness, blaze roads through that vast forest, so that we will not, in all our doing, lose sight of its purpose, which is, after all, to make the world a more human dwelling place.” My art can reach people, hold their hand and say they’re not alone. It won’t solve everything, but it’s something I really could have used. Understanding is a blessing and that goes farther than autistic people. I want others to learn what it’s like being autistic and the struggles that come with it. For me, the hardest part about being autistic is that it’s difficult to explain what it’s like. It takes a lot of trust to just believe us, but a story can convey emotions beyond words that can help bridge the gap further.
I’m not a born leader, but I have a dream. A world of understanding. I choose to follow it my way. I’m an artist, and I use my art to help people understand each other and themselves. If I can succeed without betraying myself, I’ll be that beacon of hope, and those after me won’t have such a hard time.
